Step One...

Sitting here now, looking at this screen, I can't help but wonder why I even thought to do this. All I can think is, What if someone sees this? What if my family finds out? What if I hurt someones feelings..

But then, I suppose that is my point. I spend so much time thinking about my family and what they need, what they want, how they feel about everything, that I stop thinking about me. Recently I gt pretty sick and I have really had a lot of time to myself. I guess I have reflected and come to conclusions I never thought I would.

I want to.... no, I NEED to keep this journal of thoughts because it's all I have. I have always written things better than I could ever say them. I need to really put down not only How I feel but Why... I want to explain how I got here. And more than anything, I want to explain it without concern for who sees this. I feel like I am holding on to so much right now and it's consuming my thoughts so this will be my release.

... Here we go.